I did have an alternate title for my update but figured this would work better. I kind of like that. So what's new ?? Well for starters, we only have one budgie now. Noel ate something he shouldn't have, namely a little plastic piece off of a little house in his cage, and perished literally before our eyes. So now Kokyto (our little nut) rules the roost. Literally. He has lots of toys in his cage that are rubber (safe and non toxic) that he chews on all day. He has a mirror that he talks to/fights with/snuggles with/beats up, and i've discovered if I move it from behind with my fingers he really does think its another bird! It's kind of funny.
Of course, he's like a kid in the house so he gets treats, and toys and all that fun stuff. Speaking of kids: anyone want a couple ?? Lisa is her teenage self (god help me) and Anthony is the typical younger brother .... "Liiiiii-sssaaaaaaaaa ... I'm in your rooo-ooo-ooo-ooom ...". You get the idea.
Lisa has become the most secretive child in the history of secretive children. I know it's because she's 13, but for some reason, she feels she can't talk to us. When she comes home wearing her friends clothes, carrying her friends binder, with make-up all over her face, we're not supposed to ask because its a secret.
I know I was 13 once (way, WAY back ...) but it's not that tough. She has a better support system than most of her friends, it's a shame she can't open up to us. I'm hoping this passes before I really want to do something drastic .... like being the parent that goes to school with her, and to the mall with her, and hanging out with her friends .. Like the phone commercial where the dad can't let go. LOL. That would drive her INSANE! On the other hand, It might be fun ....
On the flip side of this is Andy's mom. She's been there as long as I can remember. She's dispensed advice, and stood back and watched while we either used it or didn't. She looked after my sister and me for 2 months when my mom had to fly home to Ireland in 1978 for my Grandmother's funeral. She's had 11 kids of her own, so when she offers advice on kids, you know she's found something that works. She's always let us do our own things, go our own way, and has supported us in all of our choices, good or bad. She's also been very health challenged in the last few years, and has finally come to the end of her rope. She has cancer.
The dreaded 'C' word. She also is a diabetic, and has been for most of her adult life. Her kidneys are failing from the diabetes and she undergoes dialysis 3 times a week, 4 hours each time. She's slipping pretty fast. The cancer is in her lungs, and her throat, and its very agressive. It's migrating to her brain. We don't know how much longer she's got. And herein lies our dilemma. Do we do everything we can to prolong her suffering and make us feel better ?? Or we do let her slip away like she wants, to make her feel better ?? The choice is obvious, we let her go. But saying it and doing it, are two entirely different things.
The kids know she's dying and understand. They don't like it, but they understand. The worst is watching Andy and Betty, his sister, and my best friend. They are trying to make all of these decisions, and still get on with their own lives, work and such. They can only do so much. Home care will put her in a hospice, but she can't be participating in any 'active' treatments that will prolong her life. Like dialysis. They want her to stop so they can take her. If she stops, it's over. If she goes, it's over. If she stays home, there's no one to watch her. We're looking at also getting an aide to come in, and basically be available around the clock. More news on that as it happens.
Which brings us to now. I have a day off today, and was just down at Mom's talking to the nurse. She was asking Mom questions, and not getting very much back in the way of answers. She looked at us and said something about Alzheimer's. Which explains how she's talking to people that aren't there. I hope when it finally happens, it's quick. For Mom, for Andy, for Betty and for the kids. I have really good friends at work that are letting me sound off whenever I need to, which has been so awesome.
More to come ....
1 comment:
Honey your post brought tears to my eyes. Big hugs to you.
I know how hard it is to watch someone you love so dearly go. It's hard to be torn between making them comfortable and letting go, and being selfish and not wanting them to go, all at the same time. For me, I learned that the greatest gift we can give is being there to help someone go out of the world peacefully, knowing that they were there to see you (and Andy) make your way in life. You will always have her life lessons and advice to guide you in what you do. You are so lucky to have a family that is so close - lean on each other and be there for each other. Yes, it's going to get worse, but it will get better after a while. You'll cry and laugh, and feel guilty about doing both. That's ok.
Love you honey - you are in my thoughts.
Carrie
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