Job Available: Parent

POSITION TITLE:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma, Mumma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

PROMOTED !!

I have a new job ....

Actually I don't. I have the title and pay of the job I have been doing for a while .. LOL. I am now officially an Assistant Store Manager !! YAY !!

I went in to Jim's office a few days ago, and came right to the point: "You have an ASM position open, and I want it." Quote unquote. He didn't even bat an eye, but pulled out a chair and said "Let's talk about it."

And here we are 2 weeks later, and the job is done. Jim told me he couldn't think of anyone he wanted to take over from Brad more, and because there was another RMA coming up (Regional Manager Assesment for all of you non-Depot people), he got my name on the list and off I went. I had a very nice chat with Peter V. who is our Acting District Manager, on the 21st, and he said he would make his decision by the 27th, or sooner. It was actually sooner. I had the good news the following Monday.

I went into Jim's office and jokingly asked him if he had heard anything yet, and he motioned me in and closed the door, and said that while it wasn't official yet, I had passed my interview and they were going to offer me the job. I just about fell off my chair! The offer came through from head office on Friday, and I had it signed off and back on Saturday.

So now its official - I am an ASM now. And as I write this, I am now looking for a Flooring DS ... and a Kitchens DS, and associates .. and ...